I love birthdays. They are the day that you get to be the center of attention for a day, and you get spoiled. My birthday was yesterday, and it was one of the best days I've had in a long time. I got to relax and recharge, which sets me up for the year ahead. For most of us, though, birthdays get treated like any other day. This makes me sad, because birthdays should be used as a form of self-care. At least, that's how I look at it. My birthday is kind of like my New Years. I use it as a way to start a new year in a wonderful way. Below, I have listed 6 ways to turn your birthday from "just another day" to the day you look forward to every year, no matter your age.
1. Have a party. When we were kids, birthday parties were amazing. Parents baked a cake, all your friends came over, and it was the day that we all got to be the center of attention. Why, then, do we forget this when we become adults? My suggestion would be to be a kid for a day and have a party. Even get a bouncy castle if that's what you want. I'm 34, and I would LOVE to play in a bouncy castle! Being a kid for a day is an amazing way to get back to your roots, and remember what life is all about. You'll thank yourself for it.
2. Go to a Spa. Take a day, and just do nothing. If you don't have the money to actually go to a spa, get the stuff to do it at home. Take a bubble bath, detox wrap, facial, pedicure, the works. You will notice your body thanking you when you're done. Starting the new year off with a relaxing day will set you up for a fantastic year ahead.
3. Write. I know, I'm a huge advocate for writing, because I do all the time. But I can't say enough good things about it. Using your birthday as kind of a new year's holiday can set you up for success and greatness. Take the day and think about what you want for the year ahead. Write down the goals and successes you want to see happen. Keep these close to you all year, and work toward them. On your next birthday, look back over what you have written, and adjust for the upcoming year.
4. Go out to a club. Some people are social creatures, and get energized by being with other people. I am not one of these people, but some people are, so this would be a good way to recharge for those people. Dance, drink and let the energy of the other people energize you and recharge your spirit. If you have any empathic tendencies, this may not be the best option, but if you receive energy from other people, don't discount this option for your birthday.
5. Meditate. Meditation is a fantastic way to recharge every day. On your birthday, it is an excellent option for thinking about what you want for the new year. This would go along with concentrating on, and writing, your goals. Bring yourself into the present and think about what you want for your life.
6. Go to church or pray. This goes along with meditation, but for Christians, you may prefer to pray to your higher power. I prefer this option, because God is my friend, and I know He looks out for what's best for me. Praying and talking to God is a really good way to bring His peace into your life, and allows you to energize.
I tend to be emotionally sensitive, so recharging and re-energizing myself is extremely important. I am not an introvert especially, but I do find that having time alone is important because it gives me time to cleanse all the excess energy from other people's emotions. Being able to feel what others are feeling is helpful when I am working, but it is also important to be able to keep it from overwhelming me. Using my birthday to cleanse and recharge for the new year is a good thing. I hope this post helps you!
Please join my group "The Healthy Empath" or join my page Created 4 Greatness. I hope to connect with you soon! God Bless You!
Showing posts with label Life Coach. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Life Coach. Show all posts
Friday, July 10, 2015
Thursday, May 21, 2015
Optimism and the Body: Why a Good Attitude is Good for You
Do you know an Optimist? You know, that person that reminds you of Pollyanna, and some days you just want to punch him or her in the face? Well, you might be interested to know that while an overly optimistic attitude can be quite annoying sometimes, it is also very good for your body. Happier people live longer, and have fewer health problems.
Have you noticed that person that always seems to have something wrong? The person that no matter what you ask him or her, he always seems to have negative answer?
You: "How is the weather today?"
NP: "well, my joints are acting up and because of all this pollen my allergies are going crazy and I can barely breathe."
Does this make you want to be around that person? Not likely. No one wants to spend much time with a Negative Nancy all the time. Small bits are ok, if you are willing to risk the negativity spreading. That's right folks, negativity is contagious. But GOOD NEWS! So is a positive attitude.
I am usually a very positive person, and can find the good in just about anything. Like most people, I do have days where nothing seems to go right, but as long as I focus on the fact that it's not forever, and that day will pass, it helps me keep my positive attitude. The upside to always focusing on the positive aspects of things, is that what you think about increases. What you say brings power into your life. I believe strongly in the power of our words, and that what we say matters. What we think turns into what we say, and what we say brings about change in circumstances.
So the question becomes, do you want positive things in your life, or do you want to live a life full of cynicism, negativity and bad circumstances? Of course not! I can't think of a single person that actually WANTS these things!! So what do we do about it? Try something for me, then leave a comment below about what happened.
Over the course of a week, whenever something negative comes into your life, whether it be a bad circumstance, or a coworker who can't ever say anything nice, whenever this happens, get a pen and paper and list 3 good things in your life. WRITE THEM DOWN. At the end of the week, read over them, and think about any changes in your life that maybe came about because of this change in perspective. It could be as simple as just a change in your attitude toward those negative people, or something more profound. Either way, I would love to hear about it! Let me know below, and don't forget to follow me on Twitter!
Have you noticed that person that always seems to have something wrong? The person that no matter what you ask him or her, he always seems to have negative answer?
You: "How is the weather today?"
NP: "well, my joints are acting up and because of all this pollen my allergies are going crazy and I can barely breathe."
Does this make you want to be around that person? Not likely. No one wants to spend much time with a Negative Nancy all the time. Small bits are ok, if you are willing to risk the negativity spreading. That's right folks, negativity is contagious. But GOOD NEWS! So is a positive attitude.
I am usually a very positive person, and can find the good in just about anything. Like most people, I do have days where nothing seems to go right, but as long as I focus on the fact that it's not forever, and that day will pass, it helps me keep my positive attitude. The upside to always focusing on the positive aspects of things, is that what you think about increases. What you say brings power into your life. I believe strongly in the power of our words, and that what we say matters. What we think turns into what we say, and what we say brings about change in circumstances.
So the question becomes, do you want positive things in your life, or do you want to live a life full of cynicism, negativity and bad circumstances? Of course not! I can't think of a single person that actually WANTS these things!! So what do we do about it? Try something for me, then leave a comment below about what happened.
Over the course of a week, whenever something negative comes into your life, whether it be a bad circumstance, or a coworker who can't ever say anything nice, whenever this happens, get a pen and paper and list 3 good things in your life. WRITE THEM DOWN. At the end of the week, read over them, and think about any changes in your life that maybe came about because of this change in perspective. It could be as simple as just a change in your attitude toward those negative people, or something more profound. Either way, I would love to hear about it! Let me know below, and don't forget to follow me on Twitter!
Wednesday, May 20, 2015
How to Forgive Even When You Don't Want To
Judy is 29 years old. She has a boyfriend, a best friend, and an awesome life. Her one problem, though, is that she doesn't have a good relationship with her family. When she was younger, her father abused her and her mother wasn't able to make it stop. She has lived with the shame of this abuse for years, and blames her father for it all. This makes it hard for her to move on and forgive him. He is her father. She is half him. She worries that she will abuse her own children the way she was abused. She has started to seek therapy to help her move on from this abusive situation, so that she can forgive her father, but it is going very slowly. She is starting to wonder if anything will ever work.
From the story above, you might be wondering, "why does Judy have to forgive her father? He was the one being abusive!" Which is exactly what I would have thought a couple years ago had I read about the same situation. The problem with letting unforgiveness fester is that it causes physical manifestations. When you can't or don't forgive, you are stuck in the past and can't really move on to the future until that past is dealt with. This causes anxiety, depression and anger. These issues show up in your life in ways that are unrelated to the original trauma.
In Judy's case, she didn't really want to forgive her father. She felt justified in her unforgiveness because he was so horrible to her. After years in therapy, she finally admitted to her therapist that she struggled with her feelings about forgiveness. As a result of this honesty, her therapist was able to come up with some steps for Judy to take to finally find the road to complete forgiveness.
1. Allow yourself to grieve. Grieve for the loss of the ideal parent-child relationship. This is similar to grieving a death in the family, but allows the wronged person to move on in life without the complete closure of an actual death. This also means that the child can then start living with the actual relationship with his or her parent, instead of constantly wishing for the idealistic relationship that will probably never happen.
2. Allow yourself to celebrate the small things. When a parent-child relationship is strained, like in the one above, it can be really difficult not to look at everything in a negative light. Seeing all the strings attached, instead of the gift. Your life is a gift, so look at everything in that light, even the small positive interactions with a parent.
3. Don't fall back on past trauma. When you choose to forgive, and move past trauma, you are choosing not to fall back on old routines. If it is routine to ignore an estranged parent on a special holiday, make a point to reach out and wish them a happy holiday. This isn't to allow that person in your life again to make the same mistakes, but it is a way to tell yourself that you have moved on from the original trauma, and you are allowing yourself a new life with new experiences.
Judy is a fictional person, but she could be any of us. How many of us have held a grudge against someone for a smaller slight, or even fought with feelings toward an abusive parent? I know I have. But I have also followed the steps above and have found a way to move on from bad situations, and have found ways to forgive misdeeds by others. I have learned to respond to them in a way that may not diminish what was done to me, but helps me rise above them so that they don't define me.
Forgiveness is an active emotion. Some people forgive easily, and others not so easily. But when you choose to forgive someone for something, you are performing an action. This choice affects you, not the other person. When someone does something bad to you, and you tell them, "I forgive you," they may not even care. That person may not even realize they had hurt you in any way. This doesn't absolve you of your responsibility to forgive. This responsibility isn't to the other person. Your responsibility to forgive is for you. When you forgive, you are opening your life up to all the positive things you might not have seen otherwise. When you are not focused on what wrongs have happened to you, you can open up to all the right. By doing this you allow yourself to live a life full of love and endless possibilities.
Did this post help you? Please let me know below! I would love to hear from you!
From the story above, you might be wondering, "why does Judy have to forgive her father? He was the one being abusive!" Which is exactly what I would have thought a couple years ago had I read about the same situation. The problem with letting unforgiveness fester is that it causes physical manifestations. When you can't or don't forgive, you are stuck in the past and can't really move on to the future until that past is dealt with. This causes anxiety, depression and anger. These issues show up in your life in ways that are unrelated to the original trauma.
In Judy's case, she didn't really want to forgive her father. She felt justified in her unforgiveness because he was so horrible to her. After years in therapy, she finally admitted to her therapist that she struggled with her feelings about forgiveness. As a result of this honesty, her therapist was able to come up with some steps for Judy to take to finally find the road to complete forgiveness.
1. Allow yourself to grieve. Grieve for the loss of the ideal parent-child relationship. This is similar to grieving a death in the family, but allows the wronged person to move on in life without the complete closure of an actual death. This also means that the child can then start living with the actual relationship with his or her parent, instead of constantly wishing for the idealistic relationship that will probably never happen.
2. Allow yourself to celebrate the small things. When a parent-child relationship is strained, like in the one above, it can be really difficult not to look at everything in a negative light. Seeing all the strings attached, instead of the gift. Your life is a gift, so look at everything in that light, even the small positive interactions with a parent.
3. Don't fall back on past trauma. When you choose to forgive, and move past trauma, you are choosing not to fall back on old routines. If it is routine to ignore an estranged parent on a special holiday, make a point to reach out and wish them a happy holiday. This isn't to allow that person in your life again to make the same mistakes, but it is a way to tell yourself that you have moved on from the original trauma, and you are allowing yourself a new life with new experiences.
Judy is a fictional person, but she could be any of us. How many of us have held a grudge against someone for a smaller slight, or even fought with feelings toward an abusive parent? I know I have. But I have also followed the steps above and have found a way to move on from bad situations, and have found ways to forgive misdeeds by others. I have learned to respond to them in a way that may not diminish what was done to me, but helps me rise above them so that they don't define me.
Forgiveness is an active emotion. Some people forgive easily, and others not so easily. But when you choose to forgive someone for something, you are performing an action. This choice affects you, not the other person. When someone does something bad to you, and you tell them, "I forgive you," they may not even care. That person may not even realize they had hurt you in any way. This doesn't absolve you of your responsibility to forgive. This responsibility isn't to the other person. Your responsibility to forgive is for you. When you forgive, you are opening your life up to all the positive things you might not have seen otherwise. When you are not focused on what wrongs have happened to you, you can open up to all the right. By doing this you allow yourself to live a life full of love and endless possibilities.
Did this post help you? Please let me know below! I would love to hear from you!
Tuesday, March 31, 2015
Overcoming Burnout
I have been fighting emotional burnout for quite a while now, and it's hard. My job is really emotionally draining, and while I really want to get my coaching business up and running, I know I need to get things in my own life under control too before I can really help others. My dream is to help people find their greatness. We were created by God and given certain gifts. We don't always recognize those gifts for what they are, which is where I come in. I know I was created for Greatness, so I have to find a way to overcome emotional burnout.
One of the ways I have found is to put affirmations on my computer at my current job. Affirmations that help me keep a positive outlook, and help me recognize the greatness inside myself. Two of the ones I have on my desk right now are: "What I'm doing right now is only temporary." This quote was found on Tiny Buddha. Tiny Buddha has been such a huge help to me. You can find the link here.
The other quote that I have is, "I am stronger than I think I am." I don't remember where I found this quote, but it is amazing for reminding me that I have strength inside myself, and that once I find it, I can do anything.
Overcoming burnout can be really difficult. It is extremely important to have a solid support system in place, because these people can help you in ways that you may not see. For example, my friend John is amazing at getting me to laugh. When I'm having a bad day, I can talk to him for 5 minutes on the phone and I feel much better because he is such a cut-up that I can't help but laugh. My friend Jeff is the amazing one at listening to me when I'm having a bad day. He doesn't always know what to tell me to fix things, but he listens, and most of the time it's enough. When I'm looking for a solution, my best friend Stace is amazing. She's a therapist, so can often see solutions that were probably staring me in the face but I was too blind to see.
Besides my friends (who are all amazing in their own right) my family is incredible. They are all incredibly supportive especially when I'm going through burnout. When I don't feel like I can continue on doing what I'm doing, my mom is amazing. She lets me rant and vent and then offers constructive advice on what I can do RIGHT then to help me through it.
If you are in a situation where you don't have the greatest support system, please consider getting a coach. They are different from a therapist, but can help be that support you need. A coach can help you construct a self-care plan, and be that support system. If your emotional burnout is especially bad, please consider getting a therapist. They can help you emotionally, and can give you coping skills to help you through emotional burnout.
If your burnout is job-related, and you are considering a career change, please let me know. I will be happy to help you decide what you want to do, and help you set goals to get you there. I can help you write your resume to help you stand out from the crowd. My coaching skills are in a range of areas, so even if you don't see anything here that applies to you, contact me anyway. I will be happy to discuss options with you.
Don't forget to like me on facebook! www.facebook.com/coaching4greatness
Follow me on Twitter here: https://twitter.com/PamelaRossAA
Be bright, be beautiful, be GREAT!!
One of the ways I have found is to put affirmations on my computer at my current job. Affirmations that help me keep a positive outlook, and help me recognize the greatness inside myself. Two of the ones I have on my desk right now are: "What I'm doing right now is only temporary." This quote was found on Tiny Buddha. Tiny Buddha has been such a huge help to me. You can find the link here.
The other quote that I have is, "I am stronger than I think I am." I don't remember where I found this quote, but it is amazing for reminding me that I have strength inside myself, and that once I find it, I can do anything.
Overcoming burnout can be really difficult. It is extremely important to have a solid support system in place, because these people can help you in ways that you may not see. For example, my friend John is amazing at getting me to laugh. When I'm having a bad day, I can talk to him for 5 minutes on the phone and I feel much better because he is such a cut-up that I can't help but laugh. My friend Jeff is the amazing one at listening to me when I'm having a bad day. He doesn't always know what to tell me to fix things, but he listens, and most of the time it's enough. When I'm looking for a solution, my best friend Stace is amazing. She's a therapist, so can often see solutions that were probably staring me in the face but I was too blind to see.
Besides my friends (who are all amazing in their own right) my family is incredible. They are all incredibly supportive especially when I'm going through burnout. When I don't feel like I can continue on doing what I'm doing, my mom is amazing. She lets me rant and vent and then offers constructive advice on what I can do RIGHT then to help me through it.
If you are in a situation where you don't have the greatest support system, please consider getting a coach. They are different from a therapist, but can help be that support you need. A coach can help you construct a self-care plan, and be that support system. If your emotional burnout is especially bad, please consider getting a therapist. They can help you emotionally, and can give you coping skills to help you through emotional burnout.
If your burnout is job-related, and you are considering a career change, please let me know. I will be happy to help you decide what you want to do, and help you set goals to get you there. I can help you write your resume to help you stand out from the crowd. My coaching skills are in a range of areas, so even if you don't see anything here that applies to you, contact me anyway. I will be happy to discuss options with you.
Don't forget to like me on facebook! www.facebook.com/coaching4greatness
Follow me on Twitter here: https://twitter.com/PamelaRossAA
Be bright, be beautiful, be GREAT!!
Tuesday, February 4, 2014
Do Dreams Really Come True?
I've been thinking about this for a while now. My favorite Bible story is the one about Joseph. Joseph grew up with people who didn't appreciate him, and most times resented him. He and his father, Jacob, were very close, and it's safe to say that Jacob played favorites with him. Joseph and his brother Benjamin were the only children from Jacob's favorite wife, Rachel. While I don't advocate playing favorites, the fact that Jacob did is central to the story. See, Joseph started having dreams. These dreams basically told him that he was going to be very powerful one day, and that his family was going to bow down to him. His brothers didn't like THAT very much. Here Joseph is already their father's favorite, and now he's saying they're going to BOW to him? WOW someone seriously has some ego issues, right? I'm not sure he did. Joseph wasn't telling his brothers to brag. I sincerely believe he was just weirded out by the dreams, and wanted someone to talk to. Whether he was bragging is totally up for debate, because the Bible doesn't actually say for sure.
I think a lot of the point of the story of Joseph is to teach us that God can use ANYTHING, no matter the situation, for His glory. Without telling his brothers his dreams, how can we be sure Joseph's brothers would have been mad enough at him to try to kill him, then sell him as a slave? Without being sold into slavery, would Joseph still have met Potiphar? Without turning down Potiphar's wife, would Joseph still have been put in prison? He then wouldn't have had the chance to interpret dreams for two men who would later have the opportunity to save Joseph's life, and put him in a position to save his family from a famine. So many "circumstances," and yet they all worked together for God to do something wonderful. Who's to say God can't do the same for us? I have had so many bad things happen to me in recent years, but whether God actually caused them to happen, or they were the product of my own free will, God has been able to use my broken heart to draw me closer to Him, and draw me closer to the person HE wants me to be. God always has my best interests at heart, and even though sometimes I get in the way, every once in a while I can step out of the way, and watch God work in a way I haven't seen before.
Dreams really can come true, but it's important to make sure they are the right dreams. Allow God to work through you, and allow him to bring to fruition the dreams He wants for your life. You will be glad you did.
I think a lot of the point of the story of Joseph is to teach us that God can use ANYTHING, no matter the situation, for His glory. Without telling his brothers his dreams, how can we be sure Joseph's brothers would have been mad enough at him to try to kill him, then sell him as a slave? Without being sold into slavery, would Joseph still have met Potiphar? Without turning down Potiphar's wife, would Joseph still have been put in prison? He then wouldn't have had the chance to interpret dreams for two men who would later have the opportunity to save Joseph's life, and put him in a position to save his family from a famine. So many "circumstances," and yet they all worked together for God to do something wonderful. Who's to say God can't do the same for us? I have had so many bad things happen to me in recent years, but whether God actually caused them to happen, or they were the product of my own free will, God has been able to use my broken heart to draw me closer to Him, and draw me closer to the person HE wants me to be. God always has my best interests at heart, and even though sometimes I get in the way, every once in a while I can step out of the way, and watch God work in a way I haven't seen before.
Dreams really can come true, but it's important to make sure they are the right dreams. Allow God to work through you, and allow him to bring to fruition the dreams He wants for your life. You will be glad you did.
Tuesday, January 14, 2014
I Didn't Do Anything Wrong!
That's usually the response I give myself when something in my life goes wrong. Obviously it couldn't be my fault! Had to be fate, right? Sometimes coincidences in our lives are the product of unconscious decisions we make, and mistakes we don't even realize we're making. That's why the Bible tells us to "take every thought under control." when we consciously take control of these thoughts and actions, then our "mistakes" don't tend to run our lives, because we know exactly where things went wrong, and we can fix it for next time.
Usually, in my life, where I go wrong is demanding to keep control over my life and my decisions. I have a hard time trusting people, and especially, God. I keep forgetting that he is the Almighty, and actually KNOWS what He's doing! That's CRAZINESS! An almighty, all-knowing, all-powerful entity knowing about MY LIFE?! wow!
The bible has always been very specific about God's knowing about us. It even states that He knew about my entire life before I was born. I do have free will, and the freedom to make choices, but that doesn't mean that He didn't know exactly what choice I was going to make long, long ago, but also had a way out in case it was a bad decision. My failings have come when I didn't listen to that still small voice, and decided I knew better than God did. Then I get mad at myself, and decide that God must not really love me because I made all these mistakes. This is NOT true! God IS love, so no matter what I do, and no matter where I fail, HE WILL ALWAYS LOVE ME!! Nothing can separate me from this love. All I have to do is decide, sometimes on a daily basis, to choose to accept this wonderful gift of God's unending, eternal, perfect love.
Usually, in my life, where I go wrong is demanding to keep control over my life and my decisions. I have a hard time trusting people, and especially, God. I keep forgetting that he is the Almighty, and actually KNOWS what He's doing! That's CRAZINESS! An almighty, all-knowing, all-powerful entity knowing about MY LIFE?! wow!
The bible has always been very specific about God's knowing about us. It even states that He knew about my entire life before I was born. I do have free will, and the freedom to make choices, but that doesn't mean that He didn't know exactly what choice I was going to make long, long ago, but also had a way out in case it was a bad decision. My failings have come when I didn't listen to that still small voice, and decided I knew better than God did. Then I get mad at myself, and decide that God must not really love me because I made all these mistakes. This is NOT true! God IS love, so no matter what I do, and no matter where I fail, HE WILL ALWAYS LOVE ME!! Nothing can separate me from this love. All I have to do is decide, sometimes on a daily basis, to choose to accept this wonderful gift of God's unending, eternal, perfect love.
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